they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize