just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
