Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
this hospital has no fireball
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
