She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
