I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
