Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
