I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
