Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My pussy is not your playground.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We had sex on a dog bed..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
