just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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