Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
