the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Your dad touched me again.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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