went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
