i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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