RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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