people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
