all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
