Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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