I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
