I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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