I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
