Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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