I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
