"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
