I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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