We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
