I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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