he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
