I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
