I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
