Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
