This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
