seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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