Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
