i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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