i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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