Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
