I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
