that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
