I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
