everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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