He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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