if i can run in heels then i can drive
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
