It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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