So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
