NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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