Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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