She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
