This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
