I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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