sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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