she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
